How many people complain that they do not feel any affection in their physical relations with their partner?
How many people complain about disrespect and even violence, be it verbal or physical, in their relationship?
How many people today are alone and isolated, separated, divorced or in single-parent or recomposed families? How many still believe in true love, exclusive and long term, between a man and a woman? How many have become disillusioned about this union to the point of experiencing repulsion for the opposite sex and even a subsequent attraction to the same sex?
How many partake in swingers clubs in order to “feel something”?
How many have recourse to pornography in order to “feel something”?
When one takes a look around, one cannot but observe that love is being emptied of its meaning and even of its sensations. Who will have the courage to put it back into our society? Ho prefers the pain and suffering of all kinds that its absence entails?
These days, people in general, and especially our youth, have a terrible need to hear that they have the right (!) to keep their intimacy for a « special person » of their choice. This notion is virtually totally absent from the actual pressures and moors propagated aggressively by companies in their publicity. They are looking to make people slaves to the need to seduce by consuming at all costs. Victims of such brainwashing, people seek to project the “image” that will make them “acceptable” and “desirable”. So the notion of self-esteem is totally denaturalised, based on “having” and “doing”, rather than “being”. And so true love becomes impossible, as people do not love themselves for the right reasons. Would it be reasonable to expect that a person who does not love themselves can love another ?
Faced with such an assault by the media, what to do? Capitulate and do nothing? The temptation is indeed great for one generally feels at a loss before this avalanche of money and power unfurling onto the world, and for all intents and purposes, dominating it. So our poor children must be abandoned, sacrificed on the altar of business and seduction? We would have nothing to say to orient our youth for their well being?
Yeti t has been amply shown that the most significant influence on children is indeed their parents. The impact of parental directives must not be underestimated. As long as these are combined with coherent behaviour on the part of the parents! Children first model their behaviour on that of their parents. Onwards then, to all who sense intuitively that their contribution will bear fruit in some way, despite environmental pressures.
After the family, peer group will forever remain the most influential factor for children. Great care must be taken in selecting the friends and outings of our children.
Beyond the modeling of the parents, the following points can be looked at with the children so as to heighten their awareness of the non negligible advantages of exclusivity between a couple:
Exclusive love holds a fair number of advantages:
To considerably reduce the risks of acquiring sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and of developing any of the possible consequences: cancer, infertility, etc.;
To avoid the exhaustion of having to start relationships over and over again. Never satisfied, variety is quite demanding;
To heighten our chances of receiving much needed support in times of hardship (e. g. illness; unemployment; old age; bereavement; etc.) ;
To avoid solitude: when we have numerous partners, we always feel alone because nobody gives themselves entirely to us and we don’t give ourselves entirely to anyone;
To avoid the confusion, jealousy fits and even crimes of passion that are often linked to the fact of having more than one partner: The games of attachment and detachment are not easy to control, neither for ourselves nor others;
To avoid having children with different partners and a number of alimony payments to assume (poverty) or the abortions some women will obtain;
To allow us to realise that we are loveable even with our faults and weaknesses. We feel better and better about ourselves, more confident;
To be valued and to value our partner because we feel “special”, “unique”.
Exclusive love can not only last but also improves over time, offering all the above advantages and so much more!!
How to achieve exclusive love?
When one is convinced, exclusive love is a DECISION that CAN be lived out.
It is a question of helping oneself as much as possible, in ways such as the following:
By not exposing oneself to occasions for falling (e.g. by not drinking alcohol when not in the company of our partner; by avoiding places dedicated to flirting; by dressing and behaving decently, etc.) ;
By applying, with our partner, a kind of periodical « fasting » of physical relations so as to keep the desire burning strong between the couple, a kind of “ventilation system” for the couple that also allows them to discover other ways of showing affection pure and simple ;
By taking care to avoid having nothing to do, by keeping busy with projects that are constructive, gratifying and useful for society, in this way channelling our life force, our energy and our attention to a higher level. There simply will be no time nor energy left for those distractions that are harmful to our well being. This will not be a case of negating or repressing anything, simply setting things up so we don’t have to struggle with them by not giving them any “take” on us.
Exclusive love can not only last but can actually improve over the years…
How to tell if one is ready to experience exclusive love:
One is financially independent and ready to be a mother or a father, physically, psychologically and financially, if a child was to be the product of our physical relations (one has to know that one out of two unplanned pregnancies is a result of contraceptive failure) ;
We are compatible enough with the other person and this person is ready to commit, in partnership with you, to love and raise, over a lifetime, any child that could be conceived as a result of our physical relations (one has to know that abortion can entail serious consequences for the health and fertility of the woman);
If the above two criteria are not met, would it not be exposing oneself to risks of extremely difficult situations to give one’s intimacy to another person?
Once the testimony, the teaching and the directives given, the child may, or may not, defy parental authority, but at least the responsibility for any ensuing suffering will not fall onto the parental shoulders…
And once all the precautions have been taken, if such a deplorable situation was to come about, would it not be desirable that the parents support and welcome their child in the welcoming of the little life that presents itself (“mentoring)?